Stitch in your knitted brow · And you don’t know how · You’re gonna get it out · Crushed under heavy chest · Trying to catch your breath · But it always beats you by a step, all right now · Making the best of it · Playing the hand you get · You’re not alone in this · There’s hope for the hopeless · There’s hope for the hopeless · There’s hope · Cold in a summer breeze · Yeah, you’re shivering · On your bended knee · Still, when you’re heart is sore · And the heavens pour · Like a willow bending with the storm, you’ll make it · Running against the wind · Playing the cards you get · Something is bound to give · There’s hope for the hopeless · There’s hope for the hopeless · There’s hope · There’s hope · There’s hope · There’s hope – “Hope for the Hopeless” by A Fine Frenzy
Three weeks ago, my life spun into chaos:
There has been a lot of change in my life in a very short period of time—what equates in my head to apocalyptic-style utter chaos. Of course, I have about the same capacity for accommodating transition and change as a 3 month old… maybe better to say a 90 year old, since Charlie and Claire tell me that I’m an old soul…
The good thing is that although I’m still unsettled and in the midst of crazy transition, I’ve finally gotten my internet connected which has enabled me to catch up on blogging (which was actually really stressing me out), send all of the photos to our webmaster that he’s been asking for, research Asian specialty foods, look at Anthropologie’s clearance items, and learn that Whitney Houston died over the weekend (I have a special connection to her because I sang “The Greatest Love of All” for my 5th grade graduation).
The next good thing is that I got a pretty new picture to hang on the wall in my guest bedroom.
The next good thing is that I’m okay. Everyone’s okay. Although I hate that I still have a mountain of unpaid bills and I’m not getting enough sleep, and that transition is pushing me out of my comfort zone into new and uncharted territories, I’m fine. I’m alive. I’m thriving. I think that I might even be on the cusp of something good.
The next good thing is that there are now five million songs inside of me bursting to get out (that’s not an exaggeration).
The next good thing is that getting prodded out of your comfort zone into uncharted territory it not necessarily unhealthy or bad for you. And those good things that it is doing for me are breeding more good things.
I had to get over myself and ask people for help. I don’t like to do that. I love to give help. I hate to need it, though. In fact, it was so foreign and made me so uncomfortable that it made me cry just to ask for help. But the cool thing is that people totally rose to the occasion. It was like somebody massaged my soul with a love liniment (in a not creepy way). It brought this new relief and openness to some of my relationships. Wow, who would have thought, huh?
I had to get over myself and perform without my band. I don’t like to do that. I love to play with Charlie and Claire. I hate to be alone with all of the eyes staring at me and no one to share the responsibility of guiding the audience on a heart journey with a quality soundtrack. But, somehow I ended up doing a solo performance to support Audrey Auld when she came through town. It was actually really nice to do that and be reminded that I’m good in my own right—not that I’m looking any time soon to start a solo pop career ala Gwen Stefani, but it restored confidence that I didn’t know was wavering until I suddenly had to face it.
I had to get over myself and do something for the band even though it is forcing me to clip my fingernails and has the potential to make me look a fool. You have an opportunity to watch as I grasp for my dignity with little stubs where my long fingernails used to be on Friday night if you’re anywhere near the greater Tallahassee area.
We’ll be kicking off the fundraising for our new 2012 album on Friday night at the Warehouse. In order to celebrate and whet your appetite, we’ll be playing some of the material slated to be on the new album— some you may have heard before (if you were at the Sarah Mac plays solo to open for Audrey Auld show), but several will be completely new to you. One of those completely new songs requires a mandolin. Originally Charlie was planning on going all bluegrass for you, but Claire pointed out that he’s far too valuable to lose on guitar. Since I’m not that valuable as a guitar player, suddenly, I was relegated to mandolin for Friday night. The cool part is that it makes sense to me and I picked it up pretty quickly. I’m actually more excited about playing it than worried about screwing it up, which is a new thing because I’m a worrier.
Hmm…. Another cool moment of self-discovery! All hope is not lost. I’m more and more convinced as I move deeper into this period of change that it’s going to make a better Sarah.
See you on Friday.