In spite of the fact that I love the Spice Girls’ movie (present tense… not past tense) and I read novels for young adult readers, I’m a grown up. Even so, I still sometimes feel like I’m twelve years old and have no idea what is going on in the world or how to deal with life, even when in my practical, rational heart of hearts, I know that it’s just not that big of a deal.
Prime example: Yesterday, Cool Girl (who is pretty, smart, knits and likes Twilight) randomly asked me if I have a blog. I told her “yes” and then was immediately overtaken by a severe bout of middle school insecurity. “Crap! I want this girl to want to be my friend!! What if she reads my blog and it’s not cool enough to hold her attention!?!?” And I had to reread through my blog to see if conveyed me in a cool enough and hip enough way to push this girl (who is on the cusp) over the edge so that she’ll want to be my friend. All the while, the secure grown up me was secretly laughing at the awkward, overweight twelve year old (who only wears sweatpants) me and saying, “Even if it’s not cool enough, so what? It’s not like you’re going to delete the whole thing, right? Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.”
In spite of those wise words uttered by Grown-up-present-me to Past-me-in-the-present, I woke up this morning filled with dread because I knew that I needed to come up with something neat and clever to post on my blog today just in case Cool Girl reads it. As I sat there at my computer with the world’s sweetest weiner dog curled up in my lap for support, I found myself succumbing to the pressure and completely unable to perform… Instead, I just procrastinated and fooled around on the internet, listening to Belle and Sebastian, checking my email repeatedly and playing Facebook Scrabble, living into the lyrics of “Save You”: “I would choose avoidance over tragedy any day” (the tragedy of course being a lame blog entry at a time when I really need something of epic badassness).
On the third or fourth pass through my email, I found salvation in my inbox: an email from my little sister with the subject, “doogie.” True to form, Baby Bear saves the day again.
There was a time, around when this photo was taken, that she was docile and timid. Those days are long gone. Since then she’s grown up and gotten quite a bit more confident in her interactions with people. In the same way that I’ve elevated anxiety and hypochondriasis to an artform, she can string together dirty words in the most creative and elegant ways and has no qualms about sharing them. You don’t even realize that you’re being cussed out because you’re so enthralled with the way she’s stretching the limits of the English language!
She’s the youngest and lives into all of the stereotypes that people have of “the baby” in the family. She whines, she’s annoying, she’s a little bit self-centered, she’s the favorite child, and she always gets what she wants (which irritates me to no end). But additionally, she’s brave, she’s genuinely beautiful and she’s the kindest, most considerate, thoughtful, funny, compassionate, generous, insightful, empathetic, supportive, loving person that I’ve ever met. She comes to every one of our Sarah Mac Band shows. She works the merch table, she takes pictures, she gets us water, and she always tries to pay her way to get in the door to support us even though she’s working for us for free. She writes cards to people to remind them that they’re loved. When we’re out shopping, for almost everything that she buys herself (which is a helluva lot, because she has also elevated shopping to an artform), she picks up a little gift for someone else because it reminds her of them. When she says that she’ll do something, she does it. She’s trustworthy, she’s not a liar, and she always comes through, and I’m just so proud of how she’s turned out (in spite of the whole cussing so hard it would make a sailor blush thing).
I guess that given what you now know of her, it should be no surprise that Baby Bear came through big today with “doogie,” even when she didn’t even know yet that I needed it. Since I got one of those legendary cuss-outs for not giving credit where credit was due on some of her photos once, I figured that I ought to let everyone know that the awesome blog today is due completely to her internet activity when she probably should have been working, her keen sense of humor, and her thoughtfulness (since she knows that I love “doogie” as much as she does). Hmmm… I wonder if this blog entry was enough to push Cool Girl over the edge… We’ll see. If nothing else, maybe now she’ll want to be my friend so that she can hang out with my sister!!
p.s. The new full-length album, A Single Revolution, is now officially done and sent off for mastering, etc. Stay tuned for more details!