“So this is the New Year… and I don’t feel any different.” I don’t make New Year’s resolutions—mainly because I’m quite ambitious in my goal making, but not great with follow through. And one of the things that I value most in people is their ability to follow through and do the things that they say that they’re going to do. I don’t want to set myself up to be a big failure because I ate chocolate on day three on my year long resolution.
So I didn’t make any this year… like four months ago (I’m not living in a time warp, I’m well aware of the fact that it’s April). And I didn’t feel bad about it. In fact, I didn’t give it a second thought at all. And then came lent, which is the next time in the calendar that people start resolving…
I didn’t give anything up for lent this year either… not because I love Jesus any less this year than last year, but again, I’m really bad with the follow through. Then I started paying attention to all of the people around me giving things up and being really disciplined about it. This happened at about the same time I started taking voice lessons and decided to be really disciplined in learning to sing correctly so that I’ll still have a voice when I’m forty.
I’m very different from the rest of the people in my family in that we may have a big fight and they’re over it in 2.5 seconds flat… while I’m ruminating over it for days on end. The same goes for most things. If someone says something hurtful, or extraordinarily encouraging, or profound, or if I have a great idea for a song, it will resound in my head for weeks on end. I’ll be stuck twisting it, reconsidering it, tearing it apart and restructuring it, and then finally it will come to fruition…. Whatever that may be.
So, several weeks into lent, as I watched my friends refrain and tried to be consistent in my home vocal practice, I was still actively engaging in an intense mental monologue regarding “discipline.” What motivates it? How do elite athletes continue their training when it’s just not fun anymore? How to people who lose all this weight not-on-fad-diets do it when they’re at a birthday party and somebody offers them the most luscious chocolate cake they’ve ever seen? How do people stick with anything when it’s just flat out lame and it’s not fun anymore—especially when they aren’t accountable to anyone or anything to actually do it?
My friend Jer (who also does our band’s website and most of the content added into the special website available to those who buy actual Single Revolution CDs instead of downloading them) has a blog where he publishes movie reviews. In fact, he made a commitment to review 365 movies in 365 days, one movie a day. The year mark is rapidly approaching for him, he is going to scale back and enjoy reclaiming his 2+ hours each day. I thought that he must have cheated along the way. But he says that he definitely watched one movie every day, and didn’t double up and watch two in one day to give himself a break, or to make up for a missed day, like I most absolutely would have done.
So today, based on all of these factors, I’m one step closer to closing the mental monologue on discipline. Or at least, I’ve hit a great milestone on that journey… I may not be able to work out regularly, or refrain from buying pretty clothes, or even make my bed up every day, but Jer gave me the inspiration to be consistent in our blog. Honestly, I feel like once a day might still be a bit ambitious for me, so I’m going to fight for once a week. And hopefully, because I have to actually publish it on the internet for God and everyone to see, I’ll really do it. So, world wide web, this is my New Year’s Resolution: I’m going to do my part in the Sarah Mac Band and once a week post something new so that you know about our inner workings.
See you next week! -SM
Also, I met someone at our Dixie Theater show who said, “We liked you, but then we saw the pictures that you posted of Ruby [one of our puppies—a couple of blogs back—I’m still not really sure how to link a blog to a blog, so you’ll have to scroll through to find them] and now we’re fans.” So, I’m ending out today with dog photos so that you guys can keep up with her!